A psychologist offers practical advice for dealing with life’s ups and downs
It is refreshing to read a psychology book intended for mainstream audiences that isn’t trying to push you towards a particular goal; to achieve more, to work harder. Thanks to the rapid societal and technological changes of the past century, self-actualisation is now possible for more of us than ever before. As welcome as this might seem, self-actualising is hard work, and possibilities can quickly become standards that we fail to live up to. Consciously or unconsciously, our unlived potential can haunt us and provoke us to strive until we burn out.
In this book, the second in a planned trilogy, and a follow-up to 2015’s How We Are, health psychologist Deary delivers a much-needed message: we have a finite capacity to meet the unpredictable challenges life throws at us. The concept of allostatic load (the wear and tear of chronic stress) crops up repeatedly. In chapter four we are introduced to Anne, a single mother struggling to look after her son and father while working as a probation officer (Deary’s case studies are composites of patients he has treated in a fatigue clinic). Anne looks after everyone except herself. As her life becomes more difficult and complex, her ability to function is gradually eroded until she collapses into a state of chronic fatigue. During a course of psychotherapy she comes to understand the vulnerability that results from doing too much for too long, to the point that a few ordinary difficulties can tip you over the edge.
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