Men and miscarriage: ‘I finally cried my eyes out’

When a mother has a miscarriage, men tend to snap into being strong, stoic and supportive. But a father also needs time to grieve. Here, Steve Bloomfield reflects on loss and hears how men are learning to help each other come to terms with what might have been

The spring before the pandemic, we went to Dungeness in Kent to stay with some friends. One blustery morning, Hazel and I walked up and down the desolate beach – nuclear power station in the distance, abandoned boats and buildings dotted across the shingles – debating whether or not to try to have a second child.

With the wind at our backs, we talked about why we shouldn’t – the difficulty of pregnancy, the loneliness of maternity leave, the challenge of doubling the number of people who relied upon us. We were both knackered already just with one – would we be able to cope with two?

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