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My sister is getting opportunities I feel I missed. How do I grieve my past, but support her? | Leading questions

Beware of grass is always greener thinking, writes advice columnist Eleanor Gordon-Smith. Instead, reflect on what has stopped you before and what is possible now

My sister is a few weeks away from finishing her PhD – this is a massive achievement and I’m very proud of her. We’ve always been very close to each other, however she is now beginning to apply for early career researcher roles at various universities, which is raising some very strong and unexpected feelings for me.

Reflecting on these feelings, I finished a PhD around five years ago and went straight into a non-academic job that I do not like. I’m the oldest child in my family and I felt a lot of pressure – from my mother in particular – to stay in the same town with a regular income in order to support my younger siblings going through uni.

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